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The Heidi B Show


Jan 28, 2021

Kiss Toxic Relationships and Narcissistic People Goodbye with Marissa Mize

It can be hard to admit that the person you love and care for so long is hurting you the most. When in a relationship, people tend to dismiss red flags because they see their partner through rose-colored glasses. No relationship is perfect, but it's important to know when to go and give yourself a chance to heal.       

Marissa Mize will discuss how to deal with and heal from a toxic relationship in today's episode. She will also share her journey in leaving an unhealthy marriage and co-parenting with a high conflict ex. If you think you're in a relationship with a narcissistic, emotionally unavailable person, this episode is for you.    

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

  1. Discover the definition and traits of narcissistic people. 
  2. Learn how to leave a toxic relationship.
  3. Marissa will share her journey towards healing and why sharing stories of struggle is essential. 

Resources

Episode Highlights

Marissa's Journey

  • Marissa moved a lot. She takes every opportunity and isn't afraid to move from one place to another. 
  • Although she is used to moving, preparation is still chaos. However, she doesn't get emotionally attached to a location or a house. 
  • Marissa has been in the wellness space for a long time, having been a personal trainer for over 10-12 years. Growing up, she has always been the go-to person when people around her need advice.
  • She was in a 12-year toxic marriage and six very high conflict co-parenting years. However, last summer, the healing process of her relationship with her ex went through.
  • Sharing stories is how we can help set other women free and give them hope for a better future.      

Defining Narcissism and Recognizing Emotionally Unavailable Partners 

  • Narcissism gets thrown around a lot in conversations. 
  • It's a medical term that describes a person who is incapable of thinking about other people, lacks empathy for someone else's feelings, and portrays themselves with immense confidence to hide their fragile self-esteem.
  • There are different kinds of narcissists, such as malignant, fragile, or noble.
  • There are many ways to recognize if you're with an emotionally unavailable partner. Listen to the full episode to find out how.  

Recommendations for Women Involved with a Narcissist

  • It's scary to know what to do next after seeing your partner's real colors. 
  • Narcissistic partners also tend to do love bombing — they drag you back into the relationship through excessive time and attention and a big romantic gesture.
  • If you're living with or married to a narcissistic partner, there are ways to get out. Listen to the full episode to hear how you can make preparations to leave and what to do afterward.
  • If you're not married or in the same household and have the strength to do it, break any contact with your partner immediately. Otherwise, you leave that door open for them to pull you back in.

Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Ex

  • Marissa experienced extreme hardships dealing with her toxic marriage.  
  • Once you're not together with your ex, everything that goes on with your children's lives is a conversation. Even the things you've already talked about before. 
  • Listen to the full episode to know tips on how to co-parent with a high conflict ex, from over-communicating and documentation to responding through emails, among others. 
  • Narcissistic partners are looking for a reaction, which is why they push your buttons.
  • They know where to hurt you the most to get that reaction; this is called narcissistic supply.
  • Be non-reactive or detached as much as possible.

Attraction to Narcissists

  • Codependent people fit like a magnet with narcissists. Codependent tends to give too much, while narcissists tend to take too much.
  • A true narcissist is not capable of true love. They can pretend for a while, but the real version of themselves always slips out. 
  • To address narcissism, people with narcissistic tendencies must talk to somebody, open their communication with the people they hurt or go to couple therapy or coaching. 
  • According to Marissa, if people are willing to work on narcissistic traits they see in themselves, they're not a true narcissist. They were probably wounded in some way.

How Does Marissa Do It All?

  • Marissa's children understand and appreciate her work. 
  • She protects her time, emotions, energy and maintains firm boundaries. 
  • Marissa's daily non-negotiables are getting a morning coffee, bringing it back to bed, reading, and having some quiet time alone.
  • She doesn't have a complicated routine. 
  • For women who are suffering, Marissa recommends finding someone to talk to. Because isolating yourself and protecting the toxic person in your life leads to more pain. 

5 Powerful Quotes

"I needed to be the woman that I needed back then for the women who are going through it now."

"Sharing our stories is how we help set other women free or give them exactly the hope that there is something better; that it doesn't have to be the way it is now just because you're in it. There's something better, there's some freedom on the other side."

"I learned a lot because I did a lot of things wrong."

"They're looking for a reaction which is why they push your buttons and they know which buttons to push and they're very good at it, right? It's like they know just where to hurt you the most to get that reaction; we call that narcissistic supply."

"If you're suffering in a relationship, whether it's romantic, family, toxic, friends, in-laws, you're not alone. You don't have to go through this alone. Find someone to talk to because isolating yourself, and protecting the toxic person in your life just brings you more pain, and it just extends the pain longer."

About Marissa

Marissa Mize is a narcissist recovery relationship coach and the founder of Take Flight Coaching. Marissa teaches women how to manage and heal from toxic relationships. She's passionate about helping women find their confidence and take their power back. 

Her genius zone is to see the beautiful potential in women, helping them believe in themselves and taking action towards the life and relationship of their dreams.

If you want to connect with Marissa, you may visit her website and Instagram

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To being relationship ready,

Heidi