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The Heidi B Show


Jul 30, 2020

Alex Boykins: Healing Old Wounds to Loving with Healthy Boundaries

Emotional wounds hurt as much as physical wounds. When they remain unhealed, they can get in the way of finding love. They make us incapable of being vulnerable, which is necessary for making connections. If we are to have a loving relationship, we need to shed our armors so that we can get to the wounds that pain us.

In this episode, we are joined by Alex Boykins, a nurse specializing in pain management. Alex fills us in on her frontline work during the COVID-19 pandemic. She also shares how her comedy podcast The Hate Journals helps her stay sane and at peace. Alex also emphasizes the value of therapy and emotional support in maintaining our relationships.

Tune in to the episode to learn how to heal old wounds so that you can live, laugh, and love unburdened.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

  1. Learn about Alex’s previous relationships and how she healed from them.
  2. Find out why Alex started her comedy podcast.
  3. Discover valuable advice about therapy, friendships, and marriage.

Resources

Episode Highlights

Alex During the COVID-19 Pandemic

  • Alex has been busier than she has ever been.
  • She misses the time when everyone was kind and helpful to one another.
  • She feels like everyone has been down lately, and that bums her out.
  • Pain management is a tough job even before the health crisis.
  • Although being a clinician is a mentally draining work, it brings her fulfillment.

Starting a Comedy Podcast

  • Alex has always believed in having an escape from the stressors in our life that are out of our control.
  • Coming from a family of funny people, she knows comedy alleviates stress and anxiety.
  • Being able to play games, have fun, and start an engaging conversation through podcasts is important to her.
  • There are many serious and depressing podcasts out there, so she wanted to stand out by being lighter.
  • She co-hosts the podcast with her best friend to show that women can have healthy relationships with one another.

Thinking Outside the Box

  • When we experience hardship, it is easy to get into a depressive hole.
  • We are not alone. We need to understand that people experience the same problems.
  • Life is too short to not do what you want to.

Relating to Stand-Up Comedians

  • Alex talks about her favorite stand-up comedians and why she loves them so much. Listen to the full episode to learn more!
  • Alex believes she needs to pivot her therapy into comedy.

Alex’s Healing Journey

  • Growing up with parents in an interracial relationship, she realized society didn't accept them easily.
  • Being black in a white neighborhood also made her feel different and have a “take what you can get” mentality.
  • Alex ended up having sexual relations with men who would refuse to make their relationship public out of shame.
  • Realizing her relationships failed because of her skin color made her work on herself.
  • Coming out of an abusive relationship, she promised she’ll never put herself in that situation again.

Realizations from Relationships

  • You cannot fix others. You can only work on yourself.
  • Even if you never find romance and get married, you are perfect just the way you are.

Meeting Her Husband

  • When she met her husband, Alex didn’t know how to accept love from other people.
  • Because they had a lot of mutual friends, Alex was hesitant at first to give her now-husband a shot.
  • Listen to the full episode to hear how Alex met her husband!

Tools to Stay Stable

  • Therapy is essential for mental health.
  • Alex’s biggest fear is her marriage failing because they didn’t put in the work.
  • Unchecked mental illnesses affect our relationships, and they should be treated.
  • Your partner must be a dependable emotional support.

Commitment to the Relationship

  • Vulnerability is essential in a relationship.
  • Alex never wants her husband to feel like she is talking about him to her friends behind his back.
  • Alex has two people who help them cultivate their marriage because, according to her, it takes a village to keep your marriage happy and healthy.

Having a Support Network

  • Having support from your girlfriends is crucial to keeping your sanity.
  • Sometimes, having someone who is your safe place is all you need.

How to Balance Everything

  • Alex doesn’t want to die with regrets.
  • She wants to show her stepdaughter to chase her dreams no matter how unconventional they are.
  • Alex needs to be happy to be a good wife.
  • Be busy doing the things you love, not the things you regret.

Alex’s Non-negotiables

  • Respect is a non-negotiable for Alex. It is free and can be given to everyone.

Advice for Suffering Women

  • When you’re unhappy and in a bad relationship, do not isolate yourself.
  • Seek therapy.

5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode

“Go out and do the thing that makes you happy. Life is so incredibly short for us not to be doing the things that we want to do.”

“I am who I am. I can change and fix no one. I can only fix me, and I can only work on me.”

“I cannot stress enough: therapy, therapy, therapy. It is so important to have somebody who you pay to keep your secrets, honey.”

“It is important to have another woman, another breathing, eating, woman who really fucking gets you, and is never gonna judge you, and is going to stand by you.”

“We say it takes a village to raise a child, and that's true. But it takes a village to keep your marriage happy and healthy.”

About Alex

Alex Boykins is a full-time nurse, specializing in pain management. She is also the co-host of The Hate Journals podcast and a loving wife and mom, residing in Reno, Nevada. Alex believes in leading a fulfilling life full of healthy relationships, happiness, and laughter.

You can follow her on Instagram or visit her website.

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To being relationship-ready,

Heidi B